Fun
If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems...
UNIX Airways:
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the
airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece
by piece, arguing nonstop about what kind of plane they are supposed to
be building.
Air DOS:
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let
the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again,
jump on again, and so on.
Mac Airlines:
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and
act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you
are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to
know, and everything will be done for you without you ever having to
know, so just shut up.
Windows Air:
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage
check and boarding, and a smooth takeoff. After about 10 minutes in the
air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Air:
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes
out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
Linux Air:
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their
own airline. They build the planes and ticket counters, and pave the
runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing
the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When
you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench, and a
copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is
very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single
problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of
the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is:
"You had to do what with the seat?"
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time that Windows crashed... Oh wait,
he does!
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
The reason computer chips are so small is that computers don't eat much.
Microsoft is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine.
Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. Linux is the answer!
On the Internet, no one knows you're using Windows XP
Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for.
If Bill Gates is the Devil then Linus Torvalds must be the Messiah.
Behind every great computer sits a skinny little geek.
The trouble with computers is that they do what you tell them, not what you want.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
Never trust a computer you can't repair yourself.
Linux: the operating system with a CLUE... Command Line User Environment.
Linux: Where Don't We Want To Go Today?
Microsoft: You've got questions. We've got a dancing paperclip.
Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Windows: n., A large annoying boot virus that causes random spontaneous system
crashes, usually just before saving a massive project. Easily cured by Linux.
Q: Why shouldn't I simply delete the stuff I never use, it's just taking up space?
A: This question is in the category of Famous Last Words..
Q: What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Microsoft?
A: One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information
and populated mostly by dinosaurs, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie.
If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a
Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per per gallon,
and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
It isn't easy being the parent of a six-year-old. However, it's a pretty
small price to pay for having somebody around the house who understands
computers.
The only difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman is
that the car salesman knows he's lying.
Bill Gates is surfing the Internet, collecting the URLs of anti-Microsoft
websites to send to the legal department for possible libel lawsuits. Suddenly
the devil appears, and says, "Bill, I've got a deal for you. I will turn
Microsoft into a complete software monopoly. Every computer will run Windows.
Every user will be forced to buy Microsoft software. The Justice Department
will look the other way. Everyone will love you. You only have to do one thing:
give me your soul." Bill Gates looks at him and replies, "Ok, sure. But what's
the catch?"
Top Ten Ways to Pronounce Linux
- Lih-nucks
- Lie-nucks
- Not Win-doze
- World Domination
- Lin-doze
- God's OS
- Better Than Microsoft
- Crash-free
- Heaven
- Gates' Worst Nightmare
If Microsoft made cars...
- For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day
- Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a new car
- Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before
you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this
- Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
have to reinstall the engine
- Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only
on five percent of the roads
- The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation"
warning light
- The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying
- Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna
- Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the
same manner as the old car
- You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off
|
